apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
