Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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