Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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