I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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