I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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