hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
