After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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