If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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