End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
