Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
