And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
