This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
