my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
