I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
