Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
