I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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