is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
