Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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