I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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