omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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