adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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