Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize