Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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