so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
