I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
