i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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