Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
