i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
