Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
