apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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