just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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