there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
