I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
