Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
