So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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