Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
