my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize