tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
