Swine flu. Run for my life!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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