At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
