Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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