Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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