Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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