I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
