the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
