I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
