you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
