Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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