just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
