I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
