She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize