Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In America we eat man semen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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