Your mouth is God's brothel.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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