i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize