i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
