I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
