happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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