some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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