This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
