dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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