His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
