When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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