evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
