you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize